Seventeen days later...
Early this morning I woke up and zombied (yes...I'm making that a verb) from our bedroom to the bathroom. As I passed through the living room, I spotted our house guest scurrying away from the TV. (Apparently he couldn't figure out how to work that stupid Time Warner remote control, either.) He spotted me and froze in front of the balcony door. Right where I wanted him!
I moved a little closer and grabbed the nearest National Geographic magazine (I don't read them, so I might as well use them for something.) With a maneuver that would make a Navy Seal proud, I opened the screen door and scooted the giant insect onto the balcony at the same time. He was shocked for a moment, then bolted away from me...right off the edge of the balcony. I actually heard him land on the patio one story below.